How many versions of yourself have you observed? How many roles do you play in any given day? Have you ever stopped and looked at all the roles you manage to play in one given day…..
I have been observing the many roles that i seem to come up with, and with each role I notice a different behavioural pattern. No…, I do not have multiple personality disorder… 🙂
My stay at home lazy role: Usually my favourite role.., it used to come out when I was sick…as then I had an excuse to indulge myself in bed. I didn’t have to clean the house, do the laundry….I was sick after all. I didn’t have to answer calls…., I was sick after all. Then the role tended to appear when I was over worked…, I was tired…, I was exhausted..so obviously I needed to rest!!!! But the issue is…I cannot play these roles for long…, the need to clean the house, do the laundry…and be “GOOD” is a strong inbuilt concept that rises up and reminds me to get my silly self out of bed. But I can reward myself after doing all my chores!!!
Doctor/ Healer: For a long time I played the role of healer well. Under the misconception that I could heal all mental and physical pains with my healing energy!!!! Took me a while and finding the truth of Lord Buddha to realize the massive misconception I was under. Healer role rarely comes out now…but doctor is there….doctor has the strict doctor side and the compassionate doctor side. Lately strict and no nonsense doc keeps appearing!!!
Woman of virtue/ Woman of substance: Woman of virtue was always in the background….and and woman of substance, iron lady…., I am strong woman was in the forefront. The feeling of betraying my higher calling, letting my white energy get degraded with my neediness and ultimately poor decision making made woman of virtue struggle a lot. The freedom I gained from making right decisions to make the virtuous woman come out was mostly due to the glimpse of the four noble truths.
The Villain/Victim: These are transient roles..that appear for a given situation. But for 6 years of my life I played a villain, thinking I was a savior….how twisted can our minds be.
There are many more roles I play…the role of strict granddaughter, the role of silent daughter, long suffering daughter, loving sister….friend.., mummy to my fur babies..and the roles I have said a final goodbye to along the years… wife, girlfriend and many more.
The drama queen, the heroine, the victim, the flirt…these would the the finite transient moments a role would flash through or stay on depending on how we respond.
My roles are limited these days to doctor, friend, daughter and granddaughter and sister. My main aim is to have such focus, that I will always see the actor and the drama within and to remind myself to be free of roles.
Being free of roles; Seeing the actor, seeing the drama for what it truly is and not identifying with all the drama each roles brings about. Being free of in built triggers, concepts, not being boxed in each role. Being free of the cage. For this I have to thank the true friends in dhamma who show the ultimate truth of the word of Lord Buddha.